You know you should be training. You also know one wrong move sets you back months.
The fear of getting hurt is doing more damage than the lack of training. You need someone watching.
You've started before. Youtube/Apps. Every time something derailed it — and you stopped.
The pattern isn't your willpower. It's that you've been doing it alone, with no one waiting, no one watching.
Your body changed. The methods that worked at 35 don't work the same way now.
You don't need to start from scratch. You need someone who knows how to start you from where you actually are.